Daily News – Hong Kong protests to emulate the success of King Cnut

Joshua Cnut

In the latest bid for foreign recognition, protestors in the troubled city of Hong Kong have turned to 11th century monarch King Cnut. Organisers hope that Cnut’s influence may bring the movement credibility, and have rebuffed suggestions that the Norwegian’s policy of holding back the tide met with mixed success.

“Like King Cnut, these protests have supernatural powers that show we can in fact hold back history”, said a visibly emotional Joshua Wong, who has been courageously leading the protests from The Front Line, the name of a yacht currently anchored off Bermuda.

“Besides, if this all goes nowhere, just like Cnut some of us will also be able to sail to sea and avoid the consequences.” Speaking via Skype, Wong noted that he could “practically smell the grapeshot.”

“I have been assured that police brutality on the ground closely resembles what I can see online”, although he went on to note that he may have been confusing news reports with back episodes of Peaky Blinders which he has been catching up on.

Asked about Wong’s likeness to the long-dead Norwegian, one local store owner in Causeway Bay suggested that Wong may have chosen ‘Cnut’ only due to a misspelling. “They’ve burned down my only way home now so I guess I’m going to have to swim across to the New Territories. But that’s what real freedom is, right?” another said.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the protest movement is also taking advice from Ned Ludd.

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